I have dreamed and thought about this a lot. I think I will leave my mark as a statistic.

Happy last day of vacation 2 of 4. This past week has had 1 good day and boy was it packed solid. The rest were a utter waste of oxygen. Friday was non stop and seeing Minions then Mission Impossible in the same day was fun along with my dinner guest Cassie. Saturday was packing and cleaning. Meanwhile my sleep schedule has not been on vacation mode so 2am grilled cheese sandwiches have been common. Today (Sunday) I goto bed super early (Yea right) and return to work tomorrow. I’m going to start publishing my calendar publicly and give the option for friends to book my open spots for lunch, hangout, sex, movies or volunteer events. (it’s in concept mode as are activities). Part of my moving has been a 96 gallon bag of clothing I’m donating so my wardrobe took a major hit. All I have to do before bed is order some makeup and order more trash bags (only come in 3 packs).

So, I am not having a good vacation. Did a spurt of travel over 3 days now I have 7 days without funds to do nothing. I’ve not shaved in a week and only shower to return to bed. I take vacation to get away from work but isolated isn’t good. Depression has continued to go down hill and thoughts grow darker. A previous flicker of an old flame was brought to my attention and that person is having no issues finding someone to date.. Hell even my movie buddies don’t have time for me anymore. I wonder how long before I would be missed?

Days I lay down to sleep because I need to sucks. Wish I has 9 lives and could shoot myself only to wake refreshed tonight.

Well it once again is dating season and I only have one prospect. This is not good. This is my last season before I break the 40 year mid-life crisis where I buy a fast car and hooked. Or I find a creative way to take my hat off. It’s sad that I reach out to those that I’m there for and they are nowhere to be found. I shoot a flare in the air to my friends saying hey I’m bored and need to be around people and I get silence. Somehow I feel I’m slowly sliding down the rope faster than I’ve climbed. I’ve done so well with going out and trying to get to know random people but it seems I’m not someone people want to know.

I feel like I need to to have swapped places with this bunny. My foot hurts so bad the biggest and baddest pain meds I have are only making me high not pain free. I’m still staying away from Facebook as I’m sad to have not heard back from Cassie about church and I kinnda wanted to see her and J today. My fallback plan was a movie but my gout is moving thru my foot and walking is getting to be a challenge. I’m not sleeping well which means dose has changed at least not a placebo. Somehow my music went from thrash metal to classical on its own at 1am. Must have been my 9th sense that kicked in to stop forward motion on me throwing the phone. I’m really hating life right now. My best friend doesn’t want me, work doesn’t want me and hell as far as I can tell nor does God.

It seems Destiny has stopped sending me newsletters or invites. I guess me visiting other churches offended them. On a closer note Cassie hasn’t talked to me in over a week.

Today is the day we celebrate a rebirth and are reminded that no matter how bad you beat, rape, strip, slash, stab me I can and will come back better than new. This weekend I take a break from life. No contact with anyone outside my bedroom except Domino. I have to choose if I want to move away and accept a new job or stay where I am and everyone is leaving. My current boss doesn’t get that the days are now counting down. I had opened up a line of communication with Red but yesterday I terminated that. It’s the final countdown.

Primary Care Physician – tips from Dr. Chow. [cid:B8809EF0536745CE9A68803D9C3DE8E1@MilesHP] Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good! Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me. Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape! Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!” AND….. For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans… 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.