This morning I gave mom’s Urn a hug and a silent prayer as I go back to bed. Lots of people offered for me to join their happy families but I’m not happy and it’s not going to rub off. I declined all offers except one where I am going to attempt to have breakfast with a coworker who’s in the same boat as myself. He is alone also for Christmas as his parents have passed. I can’t blame those who offered a place at their tables nor those who offered to spend the night have open presents. They mean we’ll and is a gracious act. I just can’t handle the emotions that come with it. Yesterday was 5 months without mom. This year’s Christmas is the toughest. Not only on me but Domino. I’ve realized since mom died she’s almost always nearby when I’m home. Ieave the door open for her to lay in the sun yet she comes and gets tangled in my dark room near my feet. If I’m baking a pizza she’s in the kitchen. It’s like she fears if she’s not watching me I’ll abandon her as I was. Yesterday ended the 5 months without a home made meal. Patrick had some chick pot pie and even tho it’s one of my least favorite things to eat I was able to pick through it. Not many have noticed I’ve been off Facebook for over a month and most don’t even know this blog exists unless they pay attention.
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