So if you know me personally or you are one of the select few that knew about the “project” then you probably already know most of this but most likely not all.
On May 22nd I got a request/message from Julie on FB.
On May 27th I replied asking what was going on and asking her to tell her family i said hello but was more interested on why after 8 years I Was hearing from her.
On June 1st I got this reply
Hi….actually I’m kind of glad to hear from you. It is good to know that you are doing well. It has been a long time and I’m not sure I want to share much but I am glad I have this opportunity to say some things. I hope I can make amends with you about everything that happened. I know I did a lot of things and made decisions that hurt you. I know it has been a really long time and that may be the furthest thing from your mind but I hope that you can accept my apology. If not I understand, I just needed to say that so that you know I am truly sorry.
I hope your family is well also.
Well that was a change for not communicating for 8 years. I did some digging and her FB gave a lot of information that I needed and the local records run on her shows that she was divorced last year from the guy she “cheated on me with”. I found out she “likes” Celebrate recovery a christian based 12 step program and that she Liked “Souther hills baptist church” with a quick search that church hosts celebrate recovery. I wasn’t trying to ding up dirt or anything to use in a negative way more so curious.
I replied back with a fairly long reply explaining the years of (prescription) drug abuse and such I asked her a few questions like “why” “when did it go wrong” etc. At the end of the communication I advised her I had long forgiven her and wasn’t looking for that from her and I alluded to the fact I felt her e-mail was more of a canned reply that had to do with “Step 9”.
I was at a funeral on Friday June 11th when I got a rather long reply that answered several of my questions and she was honest about it. Hell even one thing she mentioned is still one of my problems up to the writing of this post. I’ll be selective about the quotes here but I’m not trying to put her in a bad light.
James,
I know that you were not looking for an apology. This is not something that I feel like I have to do. This is something that I need and want to do. “Amends” may be a recovery word, but I am being very honest when I say I want to make amends. I see this as an opportunity I have and I do mean what I say.
And now, “him”. All the sudden I had feelings for someone that I had never felt for my own husband and I could not understand what was going on or why I felt that way. It was a horrible feeling. He asked if I was happy and I couldn’t say yes without feeling like I was lying. I didn’t know what to do, my mind was consumed with it. Did I have an affair? In my heart, yes. Emotionally, yes. Physically, no, never. I didn’t lie about it then and I have no reason to lie about it now.
I can say she was honest in her e-mail and I have to take her at her word however you call it this is still cheating and the reason I filed for divorce. The last thing I’ll quote is the last paragraph of the e-mail that several people have already seen.
What have I learned from my past? The main thing I have learned is that I can’t look to other people to make me happy. That is what I have done for too long and I know I have to let my self esteem and self worth come from God. Expecting it to come from other people has just hurt them and me. I have learned that I tend to base my decisions on current feelings instead of the facts. I have learned that my selfish choices based on what I was feeling at the moment caused you unbearable pain. I can’t change what happened back then.
There ya go. I have the answers, apology and closure I needed and hopefully I’ll have another 8+ years of not talking to her. Thats the story>
What have I learned from this communication with an ex? I’ve learned I still have things to work on that she pointed out and yes this is my blog. But I’m not about to post my issues 😉 If you read my stuff and have read the archives you know my issues.
I hope that this post doesn’t put her as a bad person but a person saying sorry for bad choices. Oh yea if your wondering what I claimed as my errors in this marriage to get her replies. I didn’t give her any reasons to force this. I was never expecting the last e-mail.
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