I’ve not posted here about being let go from my long-time employer KOTV after nearly 15 years. I’ve been spending the last month lost and in severe depression. I’ve made it past mom dying, getting fired, Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday and Mother’s day mostly medicated. Approaching are her aniversery of her birthday and the start of the end of her life on Earth. Being unemployed sucks and leaves much time to think which is a dangerous thing. I’ve lost nearly everything including a friend with no explanation who helped me so much the past year. I have Pat and Cassie to keep me sane and they both have their own stuggles. Last night I chased up into deep Osage Nation Reservation and saw some great storms from a far. I don’t like chasing but the beautiful images from afar. July 1 is a date where there has to be a change. I can’t be alone anymore, I can’t continue this struggling day in and day out alone. This means more than Patrick or Cassie can provide. I guess July 1 is 16 days before mom’s birthday which she never got to celebrate as it was her last day outside a hospital. I’m not threatening harm to myself or anyone currently. Just stating that there HAS TO BE A CHANGE or I’m going to implode. I lost my mom, I’ve lost my work family, I’ve lost my faith in the church, and I’m losing my internal battle of self worth. I’m worthless and proof is everyone is surviveing without me. Work, friends, everything. July I will choose my destiny.
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