Well, this sucks. I fell and left a deep scratch in my leg and knee. Blood suckes. I’m getting so bad my knees are not enjoying getting out of bed.

Do you ever notice yourself getting bad again…like, you know you’re not doing work that needs to be done, you know you’re not cleaning, you know you’re not taking care of yourself…you know all the things you need to do to start trying to feel better. But you just can’t.

I’ve been trying to keep optimistic. Lost my glasses and as I was leaving for an emergency eye appointment I found them by stepping on them. Now they won’t stay on my head. I’m afraid to bend them to much. The wilderness k own as my back yard may have eaten a kitten. Pudding is MIA and so are all the other cats. They know something is wrong.
The junk frees that are growing by the foot are now ripping my greeter and shingles off my roof. Its just fucked.
Moms bday was yesterday and I had her on my mind as the last 5 days ive been keeping myself sedated. 9 years ago the night if her birthday she fell and I couldn’t get her up alone. Fire guys got her sitting up and decided that since I was taking her to the hospital just let EMSA take her. That was the last time she would be home. Dishes are still in the sink for her to finish and her beds made for when she returns.
Yea, I’m fucked.

I’m still smothering and no sign for help. I have found a medication i think is keeping the blinker food level but no bulb yet.
Gonna try to see pat tonight. 1st 4 day weekend in almost 2 months.

315am drinking sprite and a sneeze and a burp at the same time made me bite hard. I’ve cracked one of the 2 remaining.
Starting to really lose hope. Going to get an extra 20lb bag of food so neighbors can feed cats till they find other food sources.

Last night something happened i wasnt expecting so soon. My last right molar snapped clean off the foundation. Time to make sure everything is in order. I have 1 tooth left before I’m on a liquid or very soft diet.
Plus life has sucked. I’ve got 2 days left until I’ve got 3 off. Then I’m back for 4 more. I can’t win any of these.

Except I’m not taking away my exits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C9UfJWJ9kY

Sometimes you need to print out checklists and maps of your future. I have 72 hours starting in 23hrs.
Kinda gonna be easy to fail if there’s no repercussions.

I’m in the lost amd found bin. I need someone to help get the horrible vines off my house and cut 2 very small trees. I need someone to help me remove trash from my house. I need to be able to sleep for 8 hours when im doing back to back shifts.
I don’t need to live.

Day 6 of 10 on stretch 1 ot 2.
Really losing pace with reality. My eye sight has gone bloody south and left eye gets all blurry frequently that blinking makes ago away.
2 days ago work changed all our preferred names to our legal names and that sucked. Today it’s being fixed after several people expressed their disappointment.
Only took 3 doxipin today and I think my eyes are a symptom of not enough water in my system. At my normal office we have a water filtration system and it keeps the watter chilled. At the current location you have to trek to the customer area.
Not really sure if this is tied to my current mental state but I did changed meds sometime last month. I’ve also had semi-major side effects with doxipin, however I seem to only sleep more than 4 hours if I take it.
I’m not sure how im going to handle mother’s day. It’s gonna be a rough one im afraid.
Steve has another surgery next week and that kinda spooks me. Not only do I hate hospitals but I’m working straight thru unless its Monday or Tuesday.
Not sure who reeds this anymore. It allows me to put out my thoughts so not only documentation if I take the exit but I can look back and go “well shit, I made it past that post. What the hell did I do right?”
Stay classy.