Did I just pass it?

The hour glass is slowly emptied

This person has a letter in my safe for when I kill myself.

I sorts tried but couldn’t get it done.
Anyone who contacts help lines, copes, etc will be serving me a death warrant. Don’t do it.

It’s been 8 years since I’ve been intimate with anyone.
It’s been 5 years since I kissed my mom goodbye as she started to code.
It’s been 4 years since I’ve gotten a hug from Cassie, Leah or anyone really except Patrick.
Aside from my moms goodbye kiss I’ve not had a real kiss in 8 years.
I forget what these emotions mean and they are foreign to me. I’m sure before I’m cremated some perverts will take my innocence away. And ruin that streak.
Last year Christmas didn’t exist. Birthday didn’t exist and hopefully soon I won’t exist.

How unhappy does one have to be before living seems worse than dying?

Yes it will be a grace if I die. To exist is pain. Life is no desire of mine anymore.

5 days after payday. Paying only bills I’m at 30.00 and the 15th I get got with 600 and 224 withdrawal that’s not there. I missed two weeks of work because my alleged suicide attempt.
This is why people kill themselves. The weight and stress of waiting for the world to crash down.
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I’m out. 13 days to payday and anyone that’s helping me doesn’t get that I went a full 2 weeks without a check and in order to keep power on I had to make arrangements and pay those. I’m ready about to give up. I was going to disappear for a while but can’t even afford that now.
I really just want to relax and not worry about what others think of me and if I will still have a job. Without a job I see no reason to continue and I long to play with Domino and spot any to hug my mom.