Abby is 15 now.. she doesn’t need me. Nobody needs me.

The feeling I want to just die is back and growing in internal popularity. Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s Cassie drifting away and being so alone. Just me and my mice. I hope some day I don’t wake up. I hope if I pull the trigger my finger doesn’t slip.

I’m broke, missing payments and in between checks. Maybe it’s time to go.

I’ve not posted much, Red has sealed me off after her mom’s passing and I respect that. I got sick of the bullies at work and found a new job paying more and WFH however the hours suck for now.
I’m isolated and have 9 days till I start new gig and 13 days till fair hits. So it’s going to be busy.
Still want to die asap, just not by my hand at the moment.

So red was the reason to live nor red ignoring me is reason to slit my throat.

I’ve given up. I’m out of money. I can’t force red to accept me. I miss my mom. Even if where I end up she isn’t the missing will never go away. What do I have to loose.

But if it’s what happens.

Love you.

Having a full plate isn’t a sin. However trying to take on more than you can chew can hurt those that are rejected. That’s how I feel. I’m not wanted. I’m not needed. Someone said I should move on. My question is move on to what really? I’m at the bottom of a rabbit hole and my golden rope hoisting me out was snipped.

Invited to the dinner table but messages kept getting shorter so I asked. There’s no room for me. At least she didn’t lie to me.