When it ends are we free from the struggles that bind us and weigh us down or does this mean we’re forever tormented to clean up our mess?
If you end it, does it really end?

Day by day.. not sure if the end in sight or a trap door. I have sever things that if met would trigger a fatal task.
Until recently I’ve not thought about a means. While I’d love to document my options I must remember that by reaching a preplanned options is an advanced but not firm as I’ve not settled on one.

Well, this sucks. I fell and left a deep scratch in my leg and knee. Blood suckes. I’m getting so bad my knees are not enjoying getting out of bed.

Do you ever notice yourself getting bad again…like, you know you’re not doing work that needs to be done, you know you’re not cleaning, you know you’re not taking care of yourself…you know all the things you need to do to start trying to feel better. But you just can’t.

I’ve been trying to keep optimistic. Lost my glasses and as I was leaving for an emergency eye appointment I found them by stepping on them. Now they won’t stay on my head. I’m afraid to bend them to much. The wilderness k own as my back yard may have eaten a kitten. Pudding is MIA and so are all the other cats. They know something is wrong.
The junk frees that are growing by the foot are now ripping my greeter and shingles off my roof. Its just fucked.
Moms bday was yesterday and I had her on my mind as the last 5 days ive been keeping myself sedated. 9 years ago the night if her birthday she fell and I couldn’t get her up alone. Fire guys got her sitting up and decided that since I was taking her to the hospital just let EMSA take her. That was the last time she would be home. Dishes are still in the sink for her to finish and her beds made for when she returns.
Yea, I’m fucked.

I’m still smothering and no sign for help. I have found a medication i think is keeping the blinker food level but no bulb yet.
Gonna try to see pat tonight. 1st 4 day weekend in almost 2 months.

315am drinking sprite and a sneeze and a burp at the same time made me bite hard. I’ve cracked one of the 2 remaining.
Starting to really lose hope. Going to get an extra 20lb bag of food so neighbors can feed cats till they find other food sources.

Last night something happened i wasnt expecting so soon. My last right molar snapped clean off the foundation. Time to make sure everything is in order. I have 1 tooth left before I’m on a liquid or very soft diet.
Plus life has sucked. I’ve got 2 days left until I’ve got 3 off. Then I’m back for 4 more. I can’t win any of these.

Except I’m not taking away my exits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C9UfJWJ9kY

Sometimes you need to print out checklists and maps of your future. I have 72 hours starting in 23hrs.
Kinda gonna be easy to fail if there’s no repercussions.