Not doing well. Thinking about July 17th moms bday and 6 year anniversary of her leaving by ambulance. Good time to leave for good.

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Not a word from her, I miss her. Maybe I’ll miss her forever. She posted meme to fb so she’s not dead like I should be.

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I feel like it’s one sided. She won’t talk to me on the phone and ignores my messages . I’m alone again.

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So red is back. What started as a typo and misdirected message has turned my suicide plans on end. Why? Because she’s separated from her husband and not going back. There’s lots of complications and tons of what it’s. I’m a fool if I let her get away again as the conversations have been pretty […]

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Today someone said something towards me that has made me question if fighting is worth it. This person is my direct supervisor and whom I’ll have to trust. I’m not sure I can do that.

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Making a few detours to say see you next time.

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Was told today I don’t matter. I once thought I didn’t and I reached a point where I thought I just might. Well fuck me. Apparently I’m not worth even a return txt. I get it when my mom doesn’t txt me back. But for another that’s a different story. Do I matter?

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I’m without love.

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I’ve started giving away computers, monitors family airlumes and stopped paying bills. Man what a weight off my shoulders. I want to goto Utah to hug someone and kiss their forehead and maybe a trip to 1 other place to thank them for being there for me.

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Fair is over and have no desire for Christmas or holidays. I really have noone to talk to anymore. Even when I call friends I get sent to voicemail. I just wait to die.

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